Comedy conspiracy theory time! Who shot Kurt Cobain?
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WHO SHOT KURT COBAIN?
(30 posts)-
Retroman
offlineModeratorPostCount: 778
Posted 2 years ago # -
KarKing Jack
offlineMemberPostCount: 672
Blackie Lawless, by accident. At an underground TRUCE between Grunge and Glam, Blackie went up to shake his hand, for a shocky-WTFy stunt only traditional of WASP, whipped out a fake gun and screamed 'FUCK THIS, DEATH TO GRUNGE!!!!' and pulled the trigger, only to find that he lifted the wrong gun, and shot Kurt dead.
No one spoke of the event and pinned it down to a suicide.
LOL.
Posted 2 years ago # -
alicenchainzpantera
offlineMemberPostCount: 46
Bret Michaels, but not by shooting him. He played a Poison record, which blew his brain up and made his ears bleed (according to reports, this was the only real sign of blood) and proceeded to place a shotgun in Kurt's hands and make it look for a suicide.
Means: He owned Poison records...
Opportunity: Poison was recording an album, so he could
slip away without being noticed.
Motive: He was angry with Cobain for killing his career.
(His career would've died anyways, though...)Posted 2 years ago # -
metalrulesall
offlineMemberPostCount: 1782
i truely believe in my heart his stupid bitch wife skanky love had him assasinated...buy whom i dont know but thats my firm beleif and i stand buy it (but with all due respect,i also think that kurt very well WOULD have shot himself he didnt how ever)
" into the flood again same old trip it was back then "Posted 2 years ago # -
Hemps
offlineMemberPostCount: 126
i think kurt cobain killed kurt cobain.
yeah, courtney was nasty as hell, but kurt was clearly mentally unstable. anyone could have seen it coming.Posted 2 years ago # -
metalrulesall
offlineMemberPostCount: 1782
good point...but can anyone here tell me how, since he was sooo doped up and what not that he couldnt even lift his arms,how in the hell he managed to hold a shot gun to his head and pull the trigger ?...see what im sayin here guys ?
" into the flood again same old trip it was back then "Posted 2 years ago # -
Hemps
offlineMemberPostCount: 126
nikki sixx managed to handle his gun whenever he was crazy fucked up alone in his house, i'm sure kurt could do it too
Posted 2 years ago # -
Minnigh
offlineMemberPostCount: 23
I personally think Courtney Love shot him. But I'm not gona completely rule out that he shot himself.
Posted 2 years ago # -
KarKing Jack
offlineMemberPostCount: 672
"nikki sixx managed to handle his gun whenever he was crazy fucked up alone in his house, i'm sure kurt could do it too"
- HempsAnd call his security system company, all the time
Posted 2 years ago # -
Hemps
offlineMemberPostCount: 126
"
"nikki sixx managed to handle his gun whenever he was crazy fucked up alone in his house, i'm sure kurt could do it too"
- HempsAnd call his security system company, all the time
"
- KarKing Jacki loved that book so much
Posted 2 years ago # -
Alexx Noles
offlineMemberPostCount: 67
Fuck Kurt Cobain, he's dead.
Posted 2 years ago # -
SixxShooter
offlineMemberPostCount: 78
I say it was Dave Grohl. He was tired of drumming for a depressed bozo who sang like he had a cock in his mouth.
Posted 2 years ago # -
KarKing Jack
offlineMemberPostCount: 672
"Fuck Kurt Cobain, he's dead."
- Alexx NolesYour so fucked when you get to Valhalla...
4 billion Einherjar stood over you,
'And wots wrong wit bein' dead, eh?'
Hehe, I havent finished it yet, Hemps. I'm a really slow reader!!
Posted 2 years ago # -
metalrulesall
offlineMemberPostCount: 1782
hey minnigh..i agree with you 100% accept i dont think it was skanky love herslef like i said i think she had him assasinated
" into the flood again same old trip it was back then "Posted 2 years ago # -
dorkstarmy93
offlineMemberPostCount: 219
edit by : admin
reason : comment is in such poor taste. Please seek professional help.
"Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus." - Ozzy OsbournePosted 2 years ago # -
KarKing Jack
offlineMemberPostCount: 672
DNA identifications must have really sucked in 1994
Posted 2 years ago # -
dorkstarmy93
offlineMemberPostCount: 219
Mehh yea, specially cus back then I was a lil shitkickker baby over in the Philippines, puking my brains out, half dead from asthma
"Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus." - Ozzy OsbournePosted 2 years ago # -
KarKing Jack
offlineMemberPostCount: 672
LOL, the perfect alibi!
Posted 2 years ago # -
dorkstarmy93
offlineMemberPostCount: 219
Hmmm, maybe it seems TOO PERFECT!! May cause some suspicion.. Oh well, my back up plan is to claim the voices made me do it... the same voice that made Ronald DeFoe to kill his family (hahahah, well not really)... and the same voice that made 2 retarded kids kill 'emselves...
...Rob Halford
"Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus." - Ozzy OsbournePosted 2 years ago # -
KarKing Jack
offlineMemberPostCount: 672
Ah, so it was HALFROD who, in effect, killed Kurt Cobain.
We left him off the list! He outsmarted us!
Posted 2 years ago # -
dorkstarmy93
offlineMemberPostCount: 219
Yupp!!! And that, my friend, is THE perfect crime
"Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus." - Ozzy OsbournePosted 2 years ago # -
KarKing Jack
offlineMemberPostCount: 672
"edit by : admin
reason : comment is in such poor taste. Please seek professional help."
- dorkstarmy93LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree, LOL!!!!!Posted 1 year ago # -
Stokes
offlineMemberPostCount: 240
to be honest it was probably some ex junkie from the 80s glam days that decided they hated grunge and wanted glam back and had a relapse and tried to kill grunge hahahahhaa
Posted 1 year ago # -
RockLibertyWarrior
offlineMemberPostCount: 715
I can't stand Kurt Cobain, I fucking hate grunge with a passion and grunge ruined rock music for the most part. However, I believe the globalist, banking cartel of Free Masonic, Grey alien controlled psi op CIA MI5 had Cobain killed because they were done using him. You see to the shadow government rock n' roll was always a threat and so they needed to destroy it. So they own every record company and they got these pukes in flannel who couldn't play worth a lick, heavily funded them, and promoted them to destroy rock n' roll. But what you don't know is Kurt was sick of being used and the ultimate fuck you?! He was going to put out a honest to rock god Rockin' Fuckin' Metal album that would of brought back glam. Courtney being one of their agents put in place and controlling her with drugs had her hire the same people who took out President Kennedy to kill Kurt and make it look like a suicide. Another question is why was President "The tool because all world leaders are tools" Clinton not playing golf that day like his schedule said but was instead at McDonalds chowing down 35 big macs and washing it down with 10 chocalate milkshakes with two men in black whose skin looked like plastic? Doesn't make sense to me in the least, if you want to get simple Kurt was killed because Courtney was gold digging bitch and hired some scumbag to end his life. Or he just blew out his own brains because he got sick of playing the same suck songs every night. Here is a video proving all world leaders are really reptilian aliens see I am not crazy, you are:
Posted 1 year ago # -
Dash
offlineMemberPostCount: 606
Posted 1 year ago # -
Guitarsmurf
offlineMemberPostCount: 66
Who cares?
He's dead and thankfully grunge died along with him. The whacky Jagstangs and fuzz pedals are now relegated to the bargain corner. We're back to multi-colored, pointy guitars and full-on distortion pedals playing crunchy riffs and shredding solos!
Let us never speak of him again.
If you really, really must know my input for this "whodunnit"... I say Steel Panther killed him! Their song "Death to all but metal" is an ode to their exploits!
Posted 1 year ago # -
SickThing
offlineMemberPostCount: 459
I wish I could make him twice as dead.
I'm livin' in the 70s, I feel like I've lost my keys
I got the right day, got the wrong week
I get paid for just being a freakPosted 1 year ago # -
SIXX-Again
offlineMemberPostCount: 700
It was Dave Grohl.
It all started during the recording sessions for "In Utero". Dave approached Kurt Cobain with some song ideas he had. Cobain looked at him disdainfully..."Okay, let's hear what you got", he said.
Grohl strapped on a guitar and started strumming with the prowress of a seasoned rock legend. Cobain stopped him immediately, telling him, "Are you crazy, Dave?! There's more than THREE chord changes in that song!! I'll never be able to play that!"
Grohl's shoulders slumped with disappointment. He looked at Cobain, taking one last shot, "What if I played guitar on this song?"
Enraged, Kurt Cobain stripped the guitar from Grohl and began hammering away at Dave's nearby drum kit, screaming, "I'M THE GUITARIST! I'M THE GUITARIST! YOU'RE THE FUCKING DRUMMER! DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT!!!THAT'S ALL YOU'LL EVER BE -- JUST A FUCKING DRUMMER!!!"
Kurt Cobain stormed away, sobbing with rage, "I need to talk to Courtney...(sniff)!"
Dave Grohl stood over the pummeled remains of his drum kit. Fighting every urge to tackle Cobain and beat him harder than he'd ever beat his drums, Grohl walked away, making a mental note to purchase a shotgun on the way home. All he needed now was some heroin and Valium...
SUICIDE! It was perfect! Dave Grohl could see the headlines: "Kurt Cobain, the depressed, self-destructive, angst-ridden frontman of the band Nirvana was found dead today from a self-inflicted shotgun wound...".
The rest is rock & roll history...
Posted 1 year ago # -
KarKing Jack
offlineMemberPostCount: 672
Thats fucking genius, mate. Fucking genius.
You should write a book of Rock 'n' Roll Conspiracies, hahaha.
Posted 1 year ago # -
King_Killah
offlineMemberPostCount: 25
Posted 1 year ago #
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